Monday 20 December 2010

How It Works: A Master's Perspective

Original German article by MasterMarc, November 2004
This English translation by me, December 2010

The M/s lifestyle is not a role-play for me because roles are the characters of others. For me, being a Master is a desire from within. Dominance is a character trait, it's a part of me, and it has become of great importance to my life.  Just as my dominance is a character trait of mine, so should submissiveness be a part of my slave's character.

Submissives need to have the natural desire to serve, to hand over trustingly to another person the willingness to be subordinate, to practise obedience and take the consequences, to be inclined towards enduring degradation. Only then can our two diametrically opposed needs fit perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Indeed, a truly dominant person might never really understand a submissive person, since the needs of the submissive are so foreign to Him. Nevertheless, He needs to try to comprehend it because He is responsible for the well-being of all those involved. It is his job to see that everyone reaches their potential, that everyone's needs are satisfied. This should not be too difficult since the needs and desires of both parties complement each other exactly. Thus, content, each one, by living up to his own inclination, meets the needs of the other. This applies as much to the Master as it does to the slave.

The M/s lifestyle, which is based on trust, and ideally in an M/s relationship, is one of the deepest and most intense inter-personal relations that can exist. It's not love in a classic sense, but if you see love as an emotional sense of belonging, then it is an extreme form of love. There are few pledges of love where you surrender yourself wholeheartedly to another, and the other side takes on the responsibility beyond the norm.

Next to trust, the M/s lifestyle is based on mutual respect and recognition. Yes, even a Master needs to respect the slave, even when He often displays the opposite. The slave needs to be able to rely on the fact that the Master feels this respect deep inside. Only when, for safety reasons, the Master can put His slave's well-being above His own desires can the slave let himself go and be  absolutely ready to contribute every sinew of himself to making the Master happy.

I am often asked what it is that attracts me to dominance, what gives me the satisfaction. To find one answer for this is anything but simple, since this desire plays itself out on an extreme emotional level. After much consideration, I came to one answer that is anything but complete, but nevertheless comprises one of the chief motivations: It is satisfying to bestow upon someone the satisfaction they crave, a satisfaction they can only achieve through living according to their own nature.

It is a kind of service to the slave. I have enough confidence, security and warmth to give away which is what someone else is looking for. I love offering the tough leadership, humiliation, nastiness and consistency that he needs. By living my way I can offer my opposite number, the submissive, what satisfies his needs. As a master, I serve the slave by allowing him to serve me.

This definition for my joy of the M/s lifestyle rules out the possibility that it's about power for me: I've got enough of that in my daily life. This should never be the motivator for this lifestyle. I myself love the responsibility, I am positively addicted to it. Of course the one with the responsibility is the one who has the authority, and so has the power. Yet, particularly in my professional life I live according to the saying: "A leader can't rely on playing boss. It's in the moments of unpopular decision-making that he proves his leadership."

How is this view reflected in my M/s lifestyle? I am not a screaming Master. It's mostly true that he who screams is wrong. Of course I can get pithily loud, but then my slave knows that in such situations resistance is the most stupid thing he can do. Also in my tone with the slave is verbal humiliation, yet this is mostly a calm tone, and is in its own way also decent. I can without cost to myself or feeling that I've lost a prong to my crown say "please" to a slave - as long as I know that the slave knows this is not a request, but a beautifully masked command. This way it is possible to live our M/s lifestyle outside the home among the people who can't know about our special relationship. Granted, there are situations where public humiliation has its appeal, but this doesn't have to be ubiquitous. If it becomes a rule it loses its effect. It is, as always, the job of the Master to deal with the different tools at his disposal in the right situational and masterly way.

These are my first condensed thoughts in writing on this topic. I could philosophise about it for hours. Thus one can certainly count on more to follow. Of course I am happy to receive feedback on my view as I would never claim that my view is objectively the right one, but it's right for me at present. And isn't that what's most important?